Last year was one of the hardest, if not the hardest, year of my life. I lost a soul, Gehan, I cherish so, so much.
It is only when you lose someone very precious that you start to see life in a different way.
I remember when my world was falling apart, I held on to one image in my head: me standing still, surrounded by huge green mountains. In my head, I looked small, and they looked big, so big.
I would tell myself that someday my days will be better, and I will travel alone. I will stay there in silence till I am healed. Till I can breathe again. In my mind, it started as the Himalayas.
Somehow, this thought turned out to be Bali. Over time, the idea of standing still in the middle of green nature turned into going on adventures in the wildest of places.
Last October, I saw a t-shirt, and I bought it because I thought it would look good in Bali.
This was not a plan. It was a thought, an idea, probably a tiny reason to cling on to life.
Then I happened to know that it is better to learn to drive a scooter if I want to move freely there. So I started taking lessons. But I never read articles about Bali. This was just an idea, a thought, a dream that I had to soothe myself but kept postponing anyway.
Sri Lanka was a last minute decision, then a transit in Malaysia, then Bali.
When I get back home, it will be the longest time I have been away on my own, and I miss it. I miss the comfiness and comfort of being surrounded by people I call home.
But I am also learning so much that I want to write, vlog, and take pictures.
Like today, that adrenaline rush I craved so much turned out to be a humbling experience.
Learning to trust the kindness of strangers, as my mobile screen went black, I relied on people who do not understand English to help me navigate my way.
I gave up my plans and I just really enjoyed the breeze on my face, the rain on my hair, and going back on the scooter after I finally fixed it.
I am riding a scooter, wearing that t-shirt, and realizing that I am slowly letting go of the older version of myself. Allah, I am so grateful. ElhamdolAllah